Being a distance runner in America, where bulk, strength and size are valued more than education, is no problem-free task. The problem is especially difficult for males since we, defying our natural instincts, must purposefully become inferior in strength and physical prowess to our peers. This puts us at the bottom of the food chain in social situations especially when vying for those wonderful females (thank god we have runner chicks who dig us ;D ). However, this is not news to anyone. We have it bad enough, but last Friday, a line was crossed and my compliance has been terminated.

After taking my philosophy oral exam, I decided that I would go to the gym to get a workout while my girlfriend studied. I kissed her goodbye and headed over to my school's brand-new training facility. The gym is clean and state-of-the-art. It is filled with tons of weight-lifting and cardio equipment. It looks and feels like a Planet Fitness, especially with our school's purple colors. The girls tend to one side with the cardio equipment and then across the "void" are all the males with their weight equipment. The space between them is striking and almost designates which side you are restricted to based on your sex. However, either sex can use either side, but you will only see the occasional male cross the void to the "female" side, not the reverse (unless it's my girlfriend of course ;D ).

Walking down through the void, I headed into the locker room to change. I was on day 2 of my training and was getting over an Achilles injury that has plagued me for 4 years. The swelling was down and I was going to try an easy 2 miles on the treadmill to test it out. Since my eligibility was up, I was in no rush to get back to base but would rather be injury-free for track club. I put on my short-shorts and my t-shirt and headed out into the gym.

I decided to use some weight-equipment machines before I hopped on the treadmill. I was doing some leg and upper body machines on the "female" side of the gym. A quick couple bench presses of my astonishing 70lbs and then some hip flexor work. As I was working on my hip flexors, a man, who I recognized from the exercise science department, approached me. He said something indistinguishable to me (I am hard of hearing). I laughed and said "yea I know" my default response when I do not understand what someone said. I continued to lift and he did not leave. He repeated himself and I picked up "...can't do that here." At first I thought he was busting me for working on my hip flexors, a machine mostly used by women. Again, I snickered. Then, he repositioned his stance and said it loud and clear. "I'm serious, you can't wear those here" as he pointed toward my shorts. I looked down at my goofy Asics running shorts. They had a hideous, but amusing blue and yellow pattern that resembles boxers. "Oh, these are just my running shorts," I said. "I don't care what they are, you can't wear those here," he replied. "Wait are you serious???" I exclaimed. "YEA, of course I am serious, why do you think I walked over here," he said. I stared at him and said "I thought you were joking." "No, I'm not joking, you can't wear those here." I stand up with the machine in-between the two of us. "These are my regular running shorts that I always wear." "That's fine, but you can't wear those here." At this point my former teammate, who was using equipment right next to me, chimed in support, "those are regular shorts that the boys always wear," she said. He gave some smirks as if he knew we were lying. Disgusted, I responded, "Listen, I wear these shorts every time I run. I have to wear them in the city and get honked at and laughed at every day. These are running shorts; this is what they look like. This is what I wear out in public EVERY DAY." "You don't wear those outside," he said to me.

"Are you kidding!?" I exclaimed. My teammate chimed in again, "all the boys wear those on every run." He seemed to be ignoring her comments. At this point, my jaw dropped. It hit me. I was being discriminated against for being a pussy little runner boy. I was stunned; words could not express the way in which I felt. I was swelling with rage and anger. "Listen," I said, "I represent the school. I've been the #2 runner the last three years here. I am training. I am not just exercising." "He's really good," said my teammate. "That's great; I am just saying you can't wear those shorts in here. A girl came up to the desk and said she found your shorts offensive." "All my shorts are like this! What!? Is it the pattern???" I shouted pointing to the goofy pattern on my shorts. "No, it is because of the length," he responded. Now, I was off the handle. This particular pair of shorts is longer than most of my others and is longer than my team issued pair for sure. "THEY'RE ALL THIS SHORT!" "I'm just telling you that someone found them offensive so you can't wear them here." "Who said it?" "I am not going to reveal her identity," he said. "I am being discriminated against for being a runner" "Now, you're just getting defensive come on," he sighed. "Yes, I am, I am being discriminated for being a runner, how can I use my school gym to run if I can't wear my running shorts." "Buy another pair of shorts," he, thinking himself clever, said. "No, I'm not buying more shorts," I instinctively said being a poor college student. "This is ridiculous, I am going to the AD," I said. "Go ahead, I'll go to tell your coach," he said. "Go ahead!" I responded because I did not care since my eligibility was up anyway. So I thought of a way of using his logic against him, "What about all these girls wearing short-shorts? What if I said that their clothing offends me?" "You can," he replied "and we'll see what we can do about it." I am somewhat of a dick, but I saw how I could turn this into a war of the apparel and I did not want that. "You have to wear something different or leave." I did not have any other shorts, so I had to leave. "This is fucking ridiculous," I said as I walked toward the locker room. I took a glance around and realized everyone was still on the equipment watching. No was talking and all eyes were looking at me. I just realized how loud I was being. Perhaps, I was unconsciously trying to draw attention in hopes that others would support my cause. However, none did. So much for a Catholic institution. My teammate shrugged and said "Sorry, Jay" with a face of defeat. I smacked the concrete wall with a final exclamation before entering the locker room. I grabbed my stuff and walked outside still donning my goofy shorts.

To be continued...

Why am I so pissed? Because I hope I can use my gym during our long Pennsylvania winters. In my old gym, I got in most of my winter speed work on treadmills since most trafic-less roads are ice covered. If I can't, this will harm my training. I refuse to wear basketball shorts. Basketball shorts are for basketball. Running shorts are for running.

A commentary on modern gymnasiums:
I found that modern gymnasiums are hypocritical in policy. Planet Fitness, for example, exclaims its motto: "Judgment free zone! (insert stupid thumbs up here)" Is this not the most ridiculous thing? When have other gyms judged anyone? Now, let us get this argument straight. The "Planet Fitness" movement is a female gym movement, who felt that men controlled places of fitness. So, now we have "lunk alerts" to protect some females from overexposures to testosterone. Is a group really being protected here? Or is one group being subjected?

I find that modern gyms reverse an imaginary discrimination. Just because some females were intimated in pre-modern gyms, does not mean they were "judged." I have gone to "meat-head" gyms with my girlfriend, another skinny runner. The meat-heads were nothing but kind to us. They did not care that we could not lift much weight. Just because they listen to metal and grunt does not affect me. These are not judgments. Ask yourself, who is doing the judging? Are they? Or is it you, the one who feels judged?

The modern gym them arises championing itself as a judgment-free zone. It is a lie. The gym is for a particular group, do not be deceived. The wall of a Planet Fitness will tell you this with its "lunk alert." Any grunts or slamming or weights is considered lunk activity and is in violation of gym policy. That person may be subjected to expulsion from the gym. I hope by now that my argument is clear to you. Do you not see the hypocritical nature? They are JUDGING the lunks! Who cares if they grunt? I grunt in races sometimes and I bet everyone grunts now and then when they lift something. What about noises we make during orgasms? Some noises we make are autonomous or even empowering. Maybe they are being obnoxious, but still, it is only a failed attempt to gain females attention. Girls, you know it won't work, so why be so "offended?" If it is undirected, I do not see how you can discriminate against this behavior.

Now the line has been cross. I am the complete opposite of a lunk. I am weak and puny. I cannot even lift weights heavy enough that would make more than a small thud when dropped. However, there I was intruding on the "female" side of the gym. The lunks remained with their tiny, tight tank tops. The females remained with their tight tops and uber-short shorts. I, the hybrid, was thrown out. I did not fit into either class. I should have remained in the void. My way of life, my apparel for my passion, my very existence was that which was visually offensive. Perhaps, it was because I was a male in "female" shorts. Perhaps, I was on equipment that someone wanted to use. Perhaps, someone had something against me. Perhaps, no one was offended and it was all a lie constructed by the employee in fear that someone may be offended or thinking that I was trying to be a wise guy. Whatever the case, I was discriminated for being a runner. 


*As a side note, I am not attacking females or lunks. I am only attack the insecure female who is seeking revenge on the lunks. I think lunks are sometimes pathetic, but a have lunk friends and if they want to be buff, let them be buff. I cannot criticize them for I want the same thing, just speed instead of strength. We're both "muscles heads" but just different types of muscle fibers, you know?