(This is one chapter from a kind of series of stories that I write in my spare time. Though it may not help out with anyone's running, I hope some of you who read this may be able to relate. Depeneding on its reception, I may post other chapters.)

Some people are lucky. There are a lot of runners out there who need almost no motivation to go out and run. Its what they love and its almost second nature to them; its just what they do. For these people it is easy to excel and progress. I’m sure that it is not this way for most runners. I’m sure, because I am one of those runners.
In high school, I had a lot of reasons to run. There were more pros than there was cons, so I just kept on running and never questioned a thing. But now, 6 years later, running, at least competitively, isn’t really appealing as it once was. In high school I at least had a shot at winning most races, and I did win a few. But in college, it’s not that fun when you get completely annihilated by everyone once you step onto the track. It’s ridiculous really, if you think about it. You wake up every morning in your warm bed still extremely tired from staying up all night and all you want to do is go back to sleep. You have to go to class later anyways and running in the mornings before them isn’t really a big seller to get you out of bed. Its warm in my bed, its comfortable, and more importantly I’m tired and sleepy and since I don’t sleep much, being sleepy is a great thing.
Anyways, you wake up feeling horrible; you go on a run in the blistering cold, or the baking heat or even the damp rain and the entire time you question your reason being out there. Lately, I have been having trouble with reasons that were relevant and true to me. All I think is that I could be in my bed right now sleeping. Especially when I’m depressed, sleeping is probably the best thing for me. I know you end up sleeping your day away staying up nights and having an odd schedule, but sleeping is a way for me to forget about my life for a few hours. When my dreams are better than my reality, I’d rather sleep. Problem is, this creates a spiraling down effect where I feel lazy and unproductive causing me to become more depressed.
People like to lie to themselves and tell themselves all sorts of uplifting, hopeful kinds of advice and I just can’t do that to myself. So I guess in a way, sleeping is my cop-out. Instead of telling lies and believing them, I just quit altogether until I’m ready to get back on, whether it takes a few days or a week. Ignorance is bliss. Sometimes being a little too smart and overanalyzing things can make a lot of things seem worthless and stupid. Oddly enough, there is such a thing with being cursed with brilliance. Now, I’m not saying I’m brilliant, and my test scores and grades will definitely prove that, but all I’m saying is that I do a lot of thinking.
I don’t wish that I were blind to the world. I don’t wish that I was ignorant and I never would think about stuff like this. I’d rather live as I would truly live with nothing in hiding. Being fake, artificial, and phony are all things that I can’t do.
For example, dancing might be cool to a lot of people but when I do it I feel really uncomfortable and honestly really awkward. I like dancing when I’m happy though, like honestly happy. I have no style, no rhythm but I just do what I feel. Usually, I have to be under some sort of “controlled substances” or alcohol-inspired influence but that is the only way that I can ever see dancing as being fun. Americas Best Dance Crew, So You Think You Can Dance, any kind of freestyle dancing, which is not really freestyle because it’s all coordinated and in sync anyways, is just frivolous to me.
But like I’m trying to explain, one person’s motivation won’t work for others. Some people have a need to do certain things and others don’t. I’m not saying dancing or anything else are definitely these things that I describe them as. Its just that’s what I feel. I take my motivation from other places in which I feel is honest to myself. At the end of the day, I need more than “Getting a new PR and meeting friends” as my reasons to run.