Track and Field Blogs - Yolanda Flamino

Running confidence is a tricky thing. For some, a single workout can tear it apart, yet they require multiple workouts to build it up. Some will look for an outside source, be it a coach or confidant, to erect the tenuous pillars upon which this trait lies. Others will look inside and set their own standards and measures upon which they determine their level of running confidence. Perhaps, I should pause and clarify what I mean by running confidence. I don’t mean a broad sense of surety in the general meanderings of the world, but simply certainty as it applies to running.

In the summer of 2007 I won the San Francisco Marathon, setting both a course record and personal record. It was a good day in the realm of running. One may assume that after this outing, my running confidence would take a little boost and carry over to future events. However, this did not happen. I can not explain why and, to some degree, it even mystifies me as I have never really suffered from a lack of confidence. I don’t mean to imply a sense of hubris. Throughout my life I have been lucky enough to have a good sense of my strengths and weaknesses, my abilities and my limitations, providing me with a strong sense of self as I walked through life. In running, I could usually accurately assess my fitness level and carry certain expectations along with it, which some may describe as running confidence.

I’m not sure I realized that it was gone, but gone baby gone it was. I didn’t have the same confidence going into my events that I typically carried. I was not likely to give myself the benefit of the doubt when it came to fitness and running, as I typically would in the past. I was not necessarily down on myself, but something seemed to be missing. I suppose it could be compared to the wick on a candle. Typically the wick will burn bright, radiating heat and light, providing energy to its surroundings. But, when the wick is short and near the end of its life, it struggles to escape the melted wax and flickers only a dim light. It’s still there, but in a diminished capacity. I wouldn’t say my confidence wasn’t there, but it was diminished (despite positive feedback from coaches, friends, family, etc.) and, as a result, I wasn’t able to feed off that internal energy the way I had in the past.

At the time I could not necessarily have pinpointed it as an issue, but really noticed the difference late this past summer. As I was running through some trails one day, on an easy little jaunt, I noticed I was day dreaming of races and creating scenarios in my mind where I was succeeding. That’s when it hit me—I had not had these images dancing in my head for a long time. I used to continually drift off into racing or training scenarios where I was achieving my goals. They would be frequent and vivid. I would have dreams at night about running. I had been dreamless for some time. I realized the prior year I had difficulty imagining racing scenarios in the detail that before came natural.

I would posit that nothing had changed on this day or the days leading up to it to re-introduce a sense of running confidence. Perhaps like life, it goes through phases. It ebbs and flows. It cycles. Of course there are many things to enhance one’s confidence, but perhaps at times there will be some natural variation in its fire and the way that it affects a person.

Currently I am gradually building up my fitness level from a previous injury. While I struggle to run paces that before would seem easy, I find it ironic that my confidence in my running is at a considerably high level. I feel assured in my ability, as it stands, and have a vision of future success. I find myself running and thinking about races and goals being realized. I have my running confidence in check and, have to admit, it’s pretty fun to have that added spark of internal energy bolstering me through the miles as images of success vividly dance through my mind.