Saucony 2009XC - fam

"Run and Destroy"

Contentment is the enemy of every competitive runner. You may not know this yet, but if you're serious about your running you will come to understand this. The moment you let satisfaction creep in, even in the slightest, is the very moment your performance level will begin to slip. The question you may ask then, 'How to fight it?' A good question, but an even better one is, 'how do you fight happiness and why?' I can almost see the puzzled look on your faces. What the hell am I talking about? I'm talking about gratification, complacency or any feeling or emotion that might stifle drive.

You may think you're a fast runner because you have talent or you have great coaching, but the reality is you are excelling because of that fire in your gut. It is desire, It is will and It is passion. These are qualities that come from within. They cannot be generated for you and digested. They can't be absorbed through text, a lecture or video. It is born into you and me and It's what makes us jump out of planes and build sky scrapers. The people among us who excel in life are those who are consumed by a deep rooted desire to succeed in what they do. They can visualize it daily and live it day in and out pushing in the direction of success until they reach what they're after. They are the "elite" of the world and the best at what they do. You may be striving to become "elite" and working towards goals of your own. You may also be talented, but even the most talented do not always succeed.

People who have real fire will quickly create their own talent where none existed before. That is when they begin to overtake fear, doubt, the "talented" competition and any other obstacles in the way. When I first started racing I had small goals in mind. Once achieved they quickly grew into much more. I'd be lying if I said I expected to achieve the things I have in running. From the beginning I was cast aside as a fluke with each good performance. Very few people could truly see the real potential I saw in myself. If the people who got me started in running could see what I have achieved I have no doubt they would feel a sense of repletion. To be frank I've also found myself fighting that feeling of contentment back many times this year. It would manifest on long easy runs during the spring when the first warm air blew in. I would float through the run everything with the world seeming right. I had found the place that people spend lifetimes struggling to discover. I felt done, in a good way. It was such a good feeling it was so hard not to dwell in it and absorb it. When the run would end I would have to fight it and shake it off. I had workouts ahead of me, intense training. I'd shake it off, stoke the fire and tear out one great workout after another. I was getting in the best shape of my life, but another problem evolved as the year went on. This feeling started to creep in during racing and that was a BIG problem.

Every normal person structures their life around the pursuit of happiness. The life of an elite runner is supposed to be the exact opposite. Track stars are supposed to be tired all of the time. We even push ourselves to hurt in ways other people spend their entire lives avoiding. When we reach a point in training where that threshold of hurt wains we kick up the intensity more to make it hurt again even worse. That is how we get faster. We are searching for that hurt in every race. If you've ever run an all out mile you know that hurt I'm talking about. That dry heaving, fire lunged, jello legged, personal assault that climaxes to a final, depleted quiver where you succumb to life. We can never be satisfied. The last effort is never sufficient and enough is never enough.

Looking back on this year now that I've taken the time again to reflect I've purposefully restructured my thinking. I have decided to fully embrace my new philosophy of Run and Destroy. I will continue to run with pure reckless abandon and I will destroy all of the transient things that get in the way of my ultimate goal of becoming the best runner I can ever be. I will destroy fear, destroy doubt, and destroy limitations. I will destroy my strength to build it up stronger. I will destroy my endurance to enhance it. Most importantly I will continue to foster an irrepressible, raging, blaze of torrential desire upon which I will melt away and destroy all semblance of happiness and contentment.

I've felt contentment and I've achieved big goals, but now I just want to see what I'm made of.