After the global success of my ramblings in the inaugural Nate Shopay FloTrack article, I’ve decided to use my newly found power to take on a difficult and touchy subject. As of yesterday, millions of American men (and a rare few women) are again suffering from an affliction that last reared its ugly head November 9th 2004. Marked by lack of sleep, blistered thumbs, and a myriad of irrational grievances, the disease commonly referred to as EPOH (Excessive Playing of Halo) is mainly found in young men in the process of gaining an education. Common phrases heard from sufferers of EPOH are “That’s not fair” and “He’s cheating!” Currently the only cure is time. For men who are in the work force, the affliction is referred to as AUSPHT, pronounced (Awe-$**t) The P is silent. It stands for Adults Unable to Stop Playing Halo… Temporarily. It’s considered an advanced case even though it tends to be short term thanks to its unacceptability in social circles. This also has no cure although a disapproving wife has been found in certain cases to shorten the length of the sickness. Now many of you are already thinking, “Nate, I am thankful you have shed some light on this problem, but how does it apply to running?" I’m glad you asked. Efficient time management is something we all struggle with. Microsoft’s blatant disrespect for cross-country should not be overlooked. Summer would have been a perfect release period, nothing to do, but the fall? Many runners’ seasons are already in jeopardy as you read this. Do not substitute your mileage in order to meet the stringent online gaming standards. If you have qualified for the U.S. Marathon, and you know who you are, do not conveniently start to taper tonight. There are other options. By my rough calculations, you are going to need about 20 Halo hours in the week to be competitive. If you are not competitive small children will laugh at you, and this can translate to lack of confidence in other aspects of your life. I still remember it as if it were yesterday, a young voice, no older than 8, came through my earpiece and offered me this distinct gem of advice. “You suck.” From that day on, I swore an oath of commitment to at least memorize the levels so I could pretend to be good. It worked and I was able to function once again in society. Now that you see the importance, here are a few ways to gain extra time in the week without sacrificing your season and education: 1) Eat while playing (Gain bonus time by going intravenous) Time Savings = 7 HPW 2) NO phone conversations, texting only (Family can catch up during holidays) Time Savings = 5 HPW 3) Showers and general hygiene (A dirty man is a fast man) Time Savings = 5 HPW 4) Adult diapers (Surprisingly comfortable) Time Savings = 3 HPW Total Hours Gained = 20 Hours Coaches Beware! If performance is down, you may have one or two runners who are suffering from this aliment. It is important you know how to recognize this. A few of the signs to look for in your athletes: they are in a hurry after practice to “hit the books” or get a little light reading in; suddenly have a large vocabulary of snappy one-liners; or prefer to be referred to as Master Chief or John-117. (Google it) In response to the release of Halo 3, the NCAA made this announcement today. “In order to protect our student athletes, there will be random Halo testing throughout the country. Anyone found with an active Xbox live account, temporary tattoos or 7-11 issued Halo 3 slurpee cups containing gamer fuel residue will be suspended indefinitely.” When did games get so complicated and dangerous to our lives! Can they just bring back Tecmo Bowl so I can run all day with Bo Jackson? Damn you Xbox live Gold account with your 12 month + 1 free month of award winning online gaming and customer service for a low price of $49.99. Why can’t I quit you? I guess my point is this. Don’t start playing until the season is done or there is nothing significant going on in your life. Had I never picked up a controller, I would speak 9 languages and have 3 PhD’s today. i.e. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start. Wasted space. Disclaimer: This article by no means endorses spending hours of your life playing Halo 3 or any of its predecessors. Nathan Shopay supports a healthy well-rounded lifestyle. Eat right, get outside, and buy a BB gun. Just don’t shoot your eye out. But if you happen to shoot your eye out, you could then legally compete with an eye patch and how cool would that be! Especially if you were a good runner. People would be like “Who are we racing this week; I hope not that team with the pirate?” Ask a loved one if you may be suffering from EPOH or AUSPHT. Side affects include: Irritability, inability to focus and lack of human contact. Less than 6 weeks and Counting for the Olympic Trials Marathon! -Nate p.s If you have no clue what Halo is, Check out this video And Maybe read this, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_(video_game_series)